Tuesday, February 5, 2008
A Little Disturbing
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage and the importance of the family unit. Last week Adam told me about a conversation he overheard while at the gym, and it kind of got my head spinning. A group of guys were talking about how important it is to wait as long as you can before you have children after you get married. Well, my immediate thought was, "They probably want to make sure they finish school and are financially stable before they start their family." Then Adam told me that they said, "Yeah, once you have that kid you're stuck in the marriage for at least 18 years." I can honestly say that I was shocked by this remark. I was amazed by the fact that they went into marriage thinking that they would eventually get out. I understand that marriage is hard and takes a lot of work, but why even go through all that work if you're planning on throwing it away someday. I don't know if this is the case, but it seemed to me like they were planning to fail. Now, I understand that under some circumstances, divorce becomes necessary. I'm not here to judge every individual situation. I'm just wanting to comment on today's mindset of marriage. Yesterday, the kicker happened. I was reading Time magazine when I came across an article entitled, Bye Bye, Love. The article talked about how people are celebrating their divorces with cakes, parties, and ring coffins! Years ago, divorce was something that rarely happened and today some people are celebrating it the same way they would celebrate a birthday or wedding. This really disturbs me because I feel like divorce is being accepted as another celebration or joyous event in life. It is almost being portrayed as the "cool" thing to do. I'm just curious what everyone else's feelings and thoughts are on this...
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5 comments:
It is really sad how marriage is treated like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship these days. As soon as they annoy you or you are tired of them you can just dump them and look for someone else. Thats why I have always had an issue with prenuptual (sp?) agreements...Why get married if you are preparing/planning to divorce!? Now people are throwing parties?!?!?! WHAT THE HECK!
I completely hear you. I have heard several comments (from people I never would have expected this from) that make marriage into a seemingly insignificant thing. It is quite upsetting...especially how some men talk about and refer to their wives. Grrr....I have lost a lot of respect for people we know.
That is very sad! We can hope that they will grow to love each other and their families so much that they do not want to break up just because the kids are grown!
Another sigm of the times it seems.
A thought...have Adam get their address and send the missionaries over! : )
That's rather frightening. You make a good point--why go through all the hard work associated with marriage if you're planning to fail? It that's really what men think about marriage, that's incredibly discouraging. Maybe they will change their minds once they're actually in that sort of a relationship.
I can kind of understand why you'd want to have a party after a divorce... a woman that my mom used to work with had a divorce party. Her now ex-husband was an alcoholic (of course, that didn't surface until after they were married), and even after years of marriage counseling they couldn't work it out. She was relieved to be free of that burden, but divorce still takes a heavy toll on your psyche and your lifestyle (luckily, she got custody of their two daughters). I think in her case, the party had two purposes: to celebrate her finally finding a solution to her husband's problem and to lift her spirits after such a trying time. It helps to know you have friends who support you. I can kind of understand where they come from, but I still think a divorce party is almost as macabre as a funeral party might be. What kind of a world is it when people celebrate divorces?
Wow... that is really sad about that conversation at the gym. It just makes me so grateful that I have an eternal perspective on the family unit and that Spencer shares that perspective with me. What a blessing!
Caralee
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